Joy to the World

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." - Romans 15:13.

It's the time of year where joy seems to abound, even to those who are generally grumpy or cranky. It's almost impossible to be without some kind of joy at this time of year, simply because of the music on the radio, the happiness of those who love this season, and the jubilation and excitement from kids waiting for Santa.

Truthfully, I was one of those who wasn't feeling very joyous this year; I was a real Scrooge. But my best friend refused to allow me to continue being a Scrooge - she'd taken it upon herself to make me enjoy this season, instead of saying "Bah Humbug" to all the festivities.

It's a bit ironic that while I wanted to a be Scrooge (which I no longer am), I wanted to spread joy to those around me. Even if I wasn't particularly looking forward to this season of celebration, renewal and exultation, I wanted to make sure everybody else had a great season.

This brings me to the topic I wanted to discuss: bringing joy to those around us.

My church decided to do something they called the #giveJoy initiative. In essence, they gave $100 to each small group (basically Sunday School), and each group could use it in any way they wanted in order to spread joy to those around them, including to help those within the church. I was excited about this opportunity to bless someone, but I had no idea that I would also be the one being blessed.

That sounds cliche: it's a blessing to bless others. But, truly, I wasn't even thinking about how I would be impacted because of a mere $100.

I contacted the woman my small group was paired with, and within minutes I had learned so much about her that my heart was breaking for her. She desperately needed help, and I was honored that my group had been selected to help her and her daughter have a great Christmas season.

It's only been 6 days since our initial conversation, but she has impacted my life so much more than we have impacted hers. But let me back up some.

During our initial conversation, she explained that her husband walked out on her and her daughter in January, so she lost her insurance coverage. Then she lost her job in September. Plus, her daughter's in a growth spurt, so she needs new clothes, but because she doesn't have a job, she can't afford anything. On top of this, they had only recently begun going to our church and didn't know anybody, so she felt excluded and like nobody cared.

Well, after our talk, I spoke with my small group about how we could spend our $100. Let me tell you - with a $15 off coupon and shopping on the clearance rack, $100 can go a long way. We went shopping on Sunday afternoon and bought her daughter probably 20 different outfits, a Bible, and then just some girly stuff just for fun. Then we decided to buy her mom a Bible of her own, a DVD player, another member of my group donated a TV, and a spa package - most of which was covered by our own pockets.

She and her daughter have also become honorary members of our small group - they may not fit the 'criteria' for our group, but we don't care. They now have people they know at church so they don't feel like outsiders. They have some backing when they need prayer warriors. And the mom has even decided to volunteer with the kids ministry on Wednesday nights. They're getting plugged in, and diving deeper towards God. All in 6 days!

Not to mention, we have also helped line her up with a few job interviews, thanks to the mother of one of our small group members. So hopefully soon, she will also have a job again and be on her way to getting back on her feet.

Now, how in the world could all of that impacted and blessed me, you ask?

Because, seeing her gratitude for everything has shown me to be thankful no matter what, even when I want to be a Scrooge. Seeing her lean on God through her trials has taught me to never remove my focus from Him, even when it's so tempting. Seeing a smile on her face when it was evident she hadn't smiled in a long time brought joy to my soul. Seeing her daughter light up every time she talks about the friends she's made at church and how excited she is to talk about God makes my heart swell.

Bringing joy to them has brought joy to my life, as cliche as that sounds.

So, when you're going through a tough time where you don't want to be joyous, I recommend being a blessing and bringing joy to someone else. Because chances are good, you'll get a heavy dose of it, too.

Puddle. On. The. Floor

The Bible makes it very clear that children are a gift from God, a blessing that we should cherish forever. Growing up, I wasn't a big kid person. If I had my way, I'd hang out with people older than me, simply because I got along with them better.

Don't get me wrong, I always wanted kids of my own, but I never really wanted to be around other people's kids. Especially if the parent wasn't going to discipline the child or just let the kid act crazy and pretend like they don't see it. That drives me crazy, and I always told myself that when I finally did have kids, mine would not be like that.

Isn't that what anybody who doesn't have kids thinks? "My kids will NOT misbehave. If they do, they will get in trouble." Or: "I can't believe that mom/dad isn't stepping in and handling this situation." Or, my personal favorite: "If I were his parent,...", fill in the blank.

Truthfully, I have no idea how my kids will be or how I will react to certain things. I was naive to think that I knew the correct way to raise a child when I hadn't even had the opportunity, and would much rather steer clear of any kids to whom I wasn't related.

My perspective of children changed drastically just over 3 years ago. My niece was born on June 1, 2012 and, though I was excited to be an uncle, I had no idea what that would entail. I honestly didn't think anything in my life would change.

Oh, how wrong I was.

I went to the hospital to see her, and awkwardly waited my turn to hold her, as she was passed from mom to dad to aunts and other uncles and Omah (my mom) and Opah (my dad) and everybody else who was there. I didn't really know how to react when it was finally my turn. Honestly, I was terrified; I'd never held a newborn baby, and wanted to get the experience over with as soon as possible.

But the moment I held her in my arms, a love I couldn't explain then and still can't explain today overwhelmed me. And when she blindly reached out and grabbed my thumb in her tiny hands? Let me tell you something - my heart stopped, and I completely melted. I was a puddle on the floor in the middle of all these people, some I knew and others I had never met. That little girl completely stole my heart.

Now she's 3, turning 4 in June (I still can't believe it's already been 3 1/2 years!), and she is one of my favorite people in the world. When I find out that she's in town, I get all giddy with excitement; I can't wait to see her! She completely transformed my life in the most unexpected way, and she will probably never know exactly how much she's impacted me. She is the sweetest, sassiest, funniest, kindest, most imaginative 3-year-old diva I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I can't wait to watch her grow up, even though a big part of me wishes I could dip her in wax and freeze her in this moment.

But this post isn't all about my sweet, beautiful Arabella. It's also about her little brother, Khale. He was born on September 17, 2014, and he's my best bud. He is truly the happiest baby I have ever met - the only time he really gets upset is when he's hungry, which I believe is just a Dearborn trait.

But that little boy, with his head full of curls, drool dripping down his face, a goofy grin no matter what, and wonder-filled eyes has also captured a place in my heart. When I see him, it's an act of Congress to make me give him to somebody else. I like to call myself the baby-whisperer when I handle him, because I'm one of the only people who can calm him down, and he almost always falls asleep when I'm holding him.

Again, I can't wait to see him grow up and see him take the world by storm, but at the same time, if I could, I'd lock him in a state of permanent adolescence so he never got older.

Those two kids have transformed my life. They are two of my most favorite people in the world, because they're so full of life, wonder and imagination. I have nothing but love for them, and can't wait to see them any chance I get. My favorite is when I get home from a hard day to find that they came to visit - they instantly make my day better.

Do I get on the floor and play trains, or dragons, or horses, or anything else those crazy kids come up with? You're darn right. I'm not willing to miss out on any opportunity to show them how much I care for them. I want them both to know undoubtedly that "Uncle Airwin" loves them and will always be there for them, no matter what trials come up. They can count on me.

As I said previously, the Bible makes it clear that children are a blessing from God, and I have to agree with that 100%. They have blessed my life in more ways than I can count or even begin to list here. I don't know where I'd be without those two stink-pots in my life.

So, take time to cherish those kids around you, whether you're their parents, their aunt/uncle, their cousin, or they're just a kid you know. Don't miss out on all the wonders of life that we as adults can so easily glaze over when the pressures and stress of work, bills and life itself arise. Have wonder-filled eyes like a 1-year-old, and the imagination of a 3-year-old.

Because, truly, it can change your entire perspective.

Yes, No, Later, Different

Prayers are powerful. After all, they're the way we speak to God, and sometimes the way God answers. But what happens when we feel as if our prayers go unanswered? Some people get upset (actually, most likely a lot of people), while others may not even think about it again unless the prayer was pretty significant.

Well, my pastor spoke on this sometime in March 2015, and it really hit home. He said that we need to remember that God always answers our prayers, whether we realize it or not. My pastor said that there are four different ways that God answers prayers: Yes, No, Later, Different. And when I really took a minute to think about it, I fully realized what he meant, and how true that was.

Let's start with the obvious: Yes.

'Yes' is the answer we all most likely want to hear to our prayers. But, let's be real. Receiving a 'yes' to every prayer we pray is probably not actually in our best interest. As my pastor said when he first spoke about this: if we knew everything God knew, we wouldn't ask for everything we ask for. This sounds really confusing, and I will admit that I didn't completely grasp what he was saying until he explained later.

Later in the sermon, he came back to this statement and explained it like this: "My kids constantly ask me for candy. I know how much they love and want it, but I know it's bad for them. If I said yes all the time, I know they'd get a ton of cavities. They're too young to realize that that's a possibility, because they don't know what I know. So, in this case, a 'yes' is not in their best interest."

When he explained it that way, I realized exactly what he meant. God knows everything that is going to happen, and so He knows when to say yes to our prayers, as frustrating as that is for us who desperately want something.

Personally, I know exactly how this is. When my divorce was happening, I desperately was praying for Him to heal our marriage, help us get past it all and get back to where we were before this. But, He knew why the divorce had to happen, and He graciously declined to provide a 'yes' to my situation. He knew that there was better in store for me because of my divorce, doors He had been holding open but that I had rushed past without even seeing.

This is a great segue to the next answer, which is probably the one we all hate receiving: No

'No' is the answer I absolutely HATE hearing when I'm praying, especially when I think I know what's best for me. But again, God takes my hand and shows me exactly why He told me 'no'. Sometimes I don't learn for a while, and others, it's perfectly evident.

In regards to my divorce, He gave me a definite 'no', which completely crushed me. But if you've been following my blog, or even read only one post, you'll know that God knew SO much more than I did, and that His 'no' was one of the greatest blessings I've ever received. I don't really have much to say about receiving a 'no', except that we need to realize that God tells us 'no' because He has something better in store, always.

And sometimes, He tells us 'Yes, but later'. This is one I don't necessarily care for either, as it's something I'm currently dealing with. I guess I should be thankful that it's a 'yes', but at the same time, I'm frustrated because it's also a 'later'.

This is also one of the easiest, I believe, to mistake for a 'yes'. I'll explain that later.

When my pastor was speaking on this, he made sure to say that sometimes God tells us "Yes, but later". Basically, God may want to give us whatever it is we ask Him for, but, again, because He knows so much more than we do, He also knows when we're ready to receive this 'yes'.

I've often been told I have patience a mile long, but I have to admit that when I really want something and I know God's telling me 'later', it's easy for me to get impatient. That's definitely not a good place to be in; I constantly have to pray for His guidance, His timing, His will be done. I know He's telling me that eventually I will receive my 'yes', and I know that currently I'm not ready to receive it. But, I want it so desperately.

It's easy to fool yourself into thinking that God's telling you 'yes', when really He's clearly saying 'later', because you want something so bad that you're listening to your head and not to God. But at the same time, if you're conscious enough about this possibility, it will also bring you closer to the Lord, because it'll make you want to verify with Him before you move forward.

Lastly, is 'Different'. This one hit me the hardest when my pastor was speaking, because I had never thought of it in such a way.

Basically, it's when God answers your prayers (giving you a 'yes'), but it's in a different way than you expect. Because, as we know, God knows SO much more than we do, and He knows exactly what we need. And sometimes, we don't ask for the right things, or for things in the right way.

I absolutely hated hearing about this one, but at the same time, I'm so thankful I did.

I've never mentioned in my blog before, but my grandma passed away in March 2014 due to Alzheimer's. I prayed daily for her to be healed, and when she passed away, I was so angry at God. I was so mad that He ignored my prayer; He let her die, instead of healing her and letting her stay with us.

I was angry, but I hid it well. I let it simmer inside of me, and unless I wanted you to know, you were clueless. My own family couldn't tell how angry I was.

But as my pastor explained that sometimes God answers our prayers in a different way than we expect, I was so overcome with emotion that I literally began to bawl in my seat. I realized then that God had answered my prayer; He had healed her. He allowed her to pass on so that she was no longer suffering, and that she could now be in Heaven with Him for all eternity, where she was no longer ill. He healed her in a way that, yes, I didn't want to happen. But He healed her all the same.

As horrible as it is, it took me a year to realize this. It took me a year to finally let my anger go and realize that He had answered my prayer, and that He had answered it better than I could have hoped. Because right now, I know she's dancing and singing and praising her Saviour with all that she has, with no sign of Alzheimer's, and I couldn't be more thankful for that.

If you get anything out of this post, I hope you realize that God does always answer prayers, even if they're not in the way we expect. I hope you know that He knows so much more than we do, and He knows exactly what we need, when we need it. I hope you decide to be patient, waiting for His guidance, instead of rushing head-first into something just because you think it's right, or that you're ready.

It's a lesson I've had to learn the hard way; I hope it's not the case for you.

Food, Family, Friends. Oh my!

Thanksgiving: one of my favorite holidays of the year for two simple reasons - food and family.

If you know me, you know that I am a total fatty. I LOVE food. I'm usually up to try anything, at any time. I don't like letting food go to waste. You're not gonna finish that ice cream? Pass it on over. When I'm in a new city, I always want to try something that I can't find anywhere else. Some call it adventurous (or weird - whatever); I like to think of it as advantageous. I'm taking advantage of the opportunity to eat something that I'll probably never find anywhere else.

My second reason is family. I have a HUGE family, and I love every one of them. I honestly could not imagine my life without my 4 siblings and their significant others and kids, my loving parents, and my incredibly large extended family. I mean, it's enormous: I have over 30 first and second cousins. And almost every Thanksgiving, the majority of us get together.

But that's not all that Thanksgiving is about. It's not about Black Friday sales either. How is it that literally one day after we talk about everything we're thankful for, we feel the need to go out and buy more stuff? But I digress.

No, to me, Thanksgiving is a reminder that we should be thankful year-round. Yes, it's an entire month devoted to remembering what you're thankful for, but I think it should be more than that. I think it should be a reminder to be thankful for every day, every opportunity, every blessing, and, yes, even every pitfall in life. Because this means you're still alive. It means God has granted you another day to be alive; another day with those you love; another day doing things that bring you joy; another day to relish in His glory; another day of just living.

Other than my love for food and my family, I feel it necessary to talk about other things I'm extremely thankful for, just to highlight where I currently am. I'm sure this list will update by next year, and hopefully grow longer.

As a friend of mine wrote in her blog, there are some things I'm truly thankful for, while there are others that I'm merely appreciative of. Yes, I stole that from you (because I know you're reading this, and you know who you are).

I had to sit and think on this for a while before I could determine everything I wanted to list. I don't want this blog post to get too long, but I want to highlight the things that are most important to me. So, let's do this:

1) My God. First and foremost, always and forever. He has stood by my side from the moment He began to piece me together in my mother's womb, and He will be there with me until my dying breath. Then I'll be with Him for all eternity. He has led me to people whom I would never have met otherwise, helping me develop friendships that I truly cherish. He has led me to do great things, and also to things others would think are controversial, but I know that He was right there with me. He has stood with me when I was on the mountaintop, and He sang praises over me; and He helped me traverse the valleys in life, when I was at my lowest, bringing me out the other side, as broken and bruised as I was. He has never given up on me, and I know He never will. When I turned away, He has always been waiting for me to return, arms stretched wide, preparing to give me the biggest bear-hug that I have ever received. He is my God, and I am His child. Forever, and always. And for that, I am truly thankful.

2) My best friend. I've already written about her once before, and she's going to hate me for writing about her again, but I believe if you're truly thankful for someone, you need to make sure they know. She and I have been through so much together. As I wrote previously, she has been my anchor in the storms of my life. She has helped me stay secure through everything I've been going through, not allowing me to drift away. Not only that, but she and I have the kind of friendship where we can literally talk about anything and I know she won't judge me for anything I say. Make fun of me? Most likely. Judge me? Definitely not. She has one of the kindest hearts I've ever had the privilege of getting know. Her love and passion for God, her job, missions and children are incredible. She literally lights up from the inside out when she's talking about anything she's passionate about, and that passion is so inspiring. She has seen me at my weakest and held my hand through it all, and she's seen me at my greatest and applauded my triumphs. In a world where everyone and everything is telling you who you are, it's incredibly rare to find someone who is genuine. But thankfully, that's exactly what my best friend is. She's one of the most amazing and awe-inspiring people I have ever met, and I hope she never thinks otherwise.

3) My career. I am in such amazement as to how my career has developed. I began college as a musical theatre major, and switched to Communication, simply because all my credits would have rolled over. I had absolutely no interest in going into Communication, but God had another plan. He knew where I needed to be, and He guided my steps. Now I work at an amazing news station, where I am the Director of Programming and the Digital Sales Coordinator. I also get to attend events, meet amazing people, and have the time of my life. I absolutely love the career that was practically created for me. Not many people can say they actually have a career in the field they went to school for, and I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity that I do. I wake up each morning looking forward to work, simply because I love it so much! Sometimes it can get stressful or annoying, but that comes with any career/job.

4) My divorce. Now, this is a tough one to write about, because why in the world would I be thankful for my divorce? If you've read my very first blog post, you'll already know some of my reasoning. Because of my divorce, I was able to reconnect with my best friend, whom I had missed for so long. Because of my divorce, I dove into the church. My relationship with the One True Living God grew SO much because I desperately needed Him. He also led me to where my heart is the happiest: kids ministry. Without my divorce, I have no doubt that I'd have kept making excuses as to why I couldn't volunteer. And how stupid is that? But because of my divorce, I was able to put those excuses to rest, find where I fit in at the church, and devote my time and energy to those kids. Yes, I get to the church at 7:45am on Sundays and don't leave until 1pm, and I'm incredibly tired, but it's so worth it to see those kids grow deeper in their relationship with Christ. Because of my divorce (and this is probably the weirdest one, but hear me out), I moved back in with my parents. How is that a good thing, you ask? Because I had grown distant from my parents. But now that I was living with them again, we have bonded even closer than before. My dad and I have so many inside jokes, and watch movies, and talk TV shows, and discuss work; my mom and I cook and sing and clean and just act stupid together. Not only that, though. Because I moved back home, I was able to see my niece almost every day before she moved away; I was able to secure that relationship with her. I love that munchkin so much, and now I know that she won't forget that. Every time she visits, she asks for her "Airwin", and just hearing her voice brings joy to my life. I also see my nephew at least 3 times a week now, whereas before, I saw him maybe once a month. That boy and I are besties; if I'm having a rough day, it instantly gets better when I see that goofy-grin with drool slipping down his chin. I love that boy, and I make a point to let him know it. He visibly brightens when I walk in the room, and starts reaching for me, and I love seeing that kind of reaction from him. And I know that if I hadn't moved back home, I would have just been "my dad's brother" to him and to my niece. For all these reasons, I'm so thankful for my divorce, as weird as that sounds.

5) Lastly, kids ministry. As I have mentioned in a prior post, I am the lead teacher for 4th grade boys on Sundays, and the assistant teacher for 6th grade boys on Wednesdays. Those kids have stolen my heart. They drive me crazy, but they are my kids. They wear me out every Sunday and Wednesday, but I wouldn't give it up for the world. I love seeing their eyes brighten when we talk about God. I love seeing their eagerness to dive deeper into His word. I love seeing them dance around, singing as loud as they can, praising their Savior. It warms my heart every Sunday/Wednesday, and serves as a constant reminder that I need to keep a child-like faith. People who know me know that I refer to them as my kids, because that's what they are. Currently in my stage of life, I don't have the opportunity to have children - but, in actuality, I have between 12 and 15 children. And I love them each dearly, and am going to hate when they move out of my class. But that just means that I get a whole new bunch of kids that I get to nurture and grow and share Christ with, and that I get to adopt as my own.

I know this was a long post all about being thankful, and I feel it was necessary. If you read the entire thing, congratulations. I'd give you a cookie, except I can't bake. So... sorry.

But seriously, take this time to be with your family. Be thankful for everything you have. Be thankful for things that may seem like pitfalls. Be thankful for things that bring you joy, and even for things that bring you sorrow. Be thankful for friends. Be thankful for God and His guidance.

And don't hoard up all your thankfulness and only distribute it and show it to others during the Thanksgiving season. Make sure people know year-round how thankful you are of them, because they may not be here tomorrow. Be thankful for your job all the time, even if it's just as a buggie-gatherer, because at least you have a job. Be thankful for your trials, because sometimes we learn the most when we're flat on our face on the floor with no where else to go.

Just be thankful for every day you have, no matter what happens, because we're not guaranteed another.

God is a Compass

With all the stuff I've gone through recently, I have learned that we are not supposed to be the tour guide of our lives; we are only supposed to be sitting in the passenger seat and enjoying the ride, as God leads us where He wants us.

But this is so much harder to do than people realize. We, as humans, have a desire to be in control of everything we can about our lives: we want to decide where we work, who we marry, how many kids we'll have, what we do with our money, where we will live, and so much more. But what we must realize is that our plans can't even begin to measure up to what God has planned for us.

They say if you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans. I don't believe this is because God thinks our plans are ridiculous, or stupid, or un-achievable. I believe that God knows where we need to be and how we need to get there.

I know for myself, I like to believe that I know what I'm doing and I don't need anybody to help me. However, I'm sure God is often shaking His head and saying "No, come this way. This is a better path." But because I'm a fallen human, I ignore his direction and do my own thing, just to realize that the path I had thought looked so inviting was actually full of pitfalls and set-backs.

But because God is gracious, He always picks me up, dusts me off, and leads me back to the correct path, even after I completely ignore His direction. He knows what I need for my life, but rather than force me to go down the path He has chosen, He waits patiently for me to choose it for myself. And I believe He celebrates when we choose to follow where He guides.

The Bible is clear where God stands with our futures and the paths He wants for us. Jeremiah 29:11 states: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

He wants us to succeed in life; He wants us to live fulfilling lives; He wants us to find joy with His creation. He doesn't want to harm us, hinder us, or scare us. He wants the best for us, just like any loving father would for his children. Except, God is the ultimate loving Father. He will never turn away from us, despite how many times we may turn away from Him; He will happily be waiting for us to come back, with a smile on His face and His arms open.

Sometimes I think we put Him in our pocket (or a box, if you will), and forget He's even there until we get into a tight spot. Then we go back to Him and ask Him where He was, when He was waiting for us right where we left Him.

Looking back on the past 6 years of my relationship, I realize that I was running away from His direction. I was completely blind, stumbling down a tunnel, trying my hardest to prove that I could handle it on my own. What I didn't realize was that as I fumbled around, I was getting even farther away from the lighted path, my hands and feet were getting cut by thorns that I refused to acknowledge, and my hope was growing dim. I was stranded in a wilderness with no way out, but unwilling to show that I was in need of help.

But how foolish was I? The answer? Completely. I was completely foolish to believe that I knew better than the God of the universe. I was completely foolish to believe that I could guide my steps better than the God who actually knows which steps I need to take. I was foolish in letting my heart and head cloud my judgment, leading me down a path that was clearly marked as "Danger".

As I've said before, I believe that everything happens for a reason; I don't believe in consequences. And the same holds true for this. I believe that if I hadn't gone down this path, disregarding God's warnings, I wouldn't have grown closer to Him and learned to lean on Him in times of need. The Bible states that He uses all things for His good (Romans 8:28), so who am I to say that He couldn't use my straying down the wrong path to lead me to a closer relationship with Him?

With everything that I have gone through with my divorce, I have learned to trust His guidance. Though I still sometimes make rash decisions, I try to speak to my God first and foremost. I try to listen to what He is telling me about everything, so that He can guide my steps. I'd much rather Him lead me through a dimly lit path where I can't even see what's in front of me, than step out on my own on the well-lit path and fall into a carefully concealed pit.

Instead of diving headfirst into anything, I try to seek His direction. I ask my friends to pray for me to receive spiritual guidance in all endeavors, because I am so tired of making mistakes. I pray before I read my Bible, asking God to speak to me through it. I ask Him to give me wisdom in all matters of my life, no matter how insignificant they may appear. Because I know He cares about the minutest of details.

Currently, I am struggling with this because I am requesting guidance for a certain aspect of my life, and seem to be receiving conflicting answers. I've talked to a few people and I know where they stand. But, I'm scared that I don't know what God is saying.

At times I feel like He's telling me "Yes, this is what I have planned for you, stop hesitating!" But then doubt doubt and fear enter, and it seems that I hear Him telling me "No, steer clear. Don't follow that path; that's not what I have planned for you." What if I'm wrong about what He wants for me? What if I'm giving my own opinions and making myself believe they're what God is saying?

What if I'm making a rash decision based on what everyone else is telling me?

And so I pray. I pray that God will silence those other voices so I can hear exactly what He wants for me. I pray that He will speak to me in ways that will make all hesitation, doubt and fear fade away. I pray that He will guide my steps in all things, leading me exactly where He wants me. And I pray that whenever He finally decides to reveal the next part of my path, I will obediently listen and take that step, even if that means I'm grasping onto Him with trembling hands.

I can't say for certain what my next step is, but I know that God will lead me into taking it when His timing arrives. All I need to do is pray, listen, and act when He tells me to.

As my title states, I like to think of God as a compass. He points us in the right direction, if we only ask Him for guidance. So, I have chosen to move to the passenger seat and give God the wheel. I know the road He takes me on will be so much more fulfilling than any I could have traveled down on my own.

Let God be your compass and point you down the right path. After all, He already knows the way.

UPDATE:

So, God basically slapped me in the face last night. He made me realize that I wasn't listening to Him; I was listening to everyone else, and the consequence was that His voice was the one that I had drowned out.

So word of advice, make sure you know to whom you're actually listening. And make sure if you're listening to people, it aligns with what God is saying.

All Because of a Note

One thing that I think is important to talk about is friendship, and just how valuable having a great friend-base is to each person. And right now, I want to talk about one particular friendship of mine. I have referenced this friendship once in a past post when talking about how I had removed people from my life simply because my ex didn't like them, but honestly, it was mainly just one person I had axed.

I won't give out any names, but this person will know who they are as they read this post. And she most likely already does.

But the reason I wanted to talk about this friendship is to highlight just how important this particular person is to me. Yes, I cut this friend out of my life to accommodate my ex's wishes, but recently, I have also discovered that this friend removed herself because my relationship with my ex was draining on her, and she just couldn't handle it anymore.

And looking back, I completely understand that. I can't fault her for that; she was doing what was best for her, just as I was doing what I thought was best for me.

But after everything that happened with my ex, this one particular friend was the only one to reach out and see how I was doing. We hadn't spoken for 3 years, and yet, she was still concerned for my well-being.

Let me tell you something: that right there is true friendship. And after everything I had gone through, I really needed a true friend. Someone who was in my corner when the rest of the world was piling up against me. Someone who knew the situation, but didn't judge me because of any of it, but instead loved me through it. Someone who picked me up when I got beaten down, patted me on the back and pushed me back into the fray because she hadn't given up on me.

That's what a true best friend is. And thankfully, I had met mine when I was 12 years old.

Why she stuck with me through that horrible time, I'll probably never know. But I hope she knows just how much I appreciated that. Just like the guy from my church who stuck with me when I was a wreck, she was an anchor in the storm that was swirling around me. She helped me find stable ground again so that I didn't sink.

She has been one of my best friends for over 12 years now, and even with all our ups and downs, she has stuck it out. Why? I'll never truly understand. But the great thing about it is, I don't even have to know. All I need to know is that no matter what, I can count on her.

I've helped her through a few things, but I honestly believe that she's helped me through even more. She has proven herself time and time again to me, and that has done nothing but strengthen our friendship.

Without her steady and loyal friendship, I honestly don't know where I'd be right now. Even during those 3 years where we didn't speak, I firmly believe that I was in her thoughts, as she prayed for my well-being and my future, even if at the time it seemed that my future wouldn't include her.

That, to me, is the definition of true friendship. She didn't (and never has) expected anything from me; she was simply a great friend, even when I wasn't. And I can just hope that one day I'll be as good a friend back to her as she has been to me.

As Sarah Dessen says in her book Someone Like You, "Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend."

Though I may mess with her constantly, be snippy, play jokes on her, be sarcastic, be sweet, be charming, be naive, or just be plain stupid, I know that she's not going anywhere. Even when she pretends that she's fed up with me, and even when she really is, I know that I don't have to worry about our friendship.

I know that she accepts me for who I am and would never even think about changing anything about me. She loves me like Christ loves the church, despite all my faults and shortcomings. And for this, I love her. As I said, I can only pray that one day I will be as good of a friend to her as she is to me.

We all need a best friend. We all need someone who we know will be there for us through all the crap that life tries to throw at us. We all need someone who can take our sass and dish it right back without getting offended. We all need someone who will carry us through the pits and valleys of life, and who will dance and sing with us when we're standing on top of the world.

We all need someone who will help steady us when we are walking through rocky terrain. And I am so thankful that I found all of those things in my best friend when I was only 12 years old.

And to think, it all started with her passing me a note.

Music to My Ears

I must be crazy. If you've been following these blog posts, then you most likely read the one where I spoke about insecurities eating me up inside.

There's one in particular that I want to talk about today: singing.

Let's back up a minute.

I currently lead 4th grade boys on Sunday mornings at my church. For a while, I was questioning if this is where I was supposed to serve. When I mentioned that I didn't feel like I was reaching the boys, one of my friends stated the following: "People don't just miraculously become a Christian overnight. It takes years of preparation; someone has to fertilize the soil so that they can grow. You may not be the one who leads them to Christ, but you could be the one who plants the seed. And the year you have with them, you're watering them and helping them flourish, even if they haven't sprouted yet."

I had never thought about it quite like that, but he was right. Someone has to get them planted in the Word, and I was more than happy to be their gardener.

Since that conversation, I've slowly come to realize that kids ministry is where I'm supposed to be serving. It's a party every Sunday, and something I look forward to. As I have said in previous blog posts, I love those kids more than they will ever even know, and they are so dear to me. I truly want what's best for them, and to help them grow in their relationship with Christ, whether it's begun yet or not.

Well, now that I had established that I wanted to be in kids ministry, I figured I should also help out on Wednesday nights at the 5th/6th grade students ministry. I showed up for my first volunteer night 3 weeks ago, and was quickly disappointed.

The kids weren't nearly as excited to be there as they were on Sundays. And the main issue I noticed? The music was lacking. The worship leaders weren't excited to be there, and so the kids fed off that boredom and weren't excited either. Most of the kids attended on Sundays where we did dance moves, jumped, waved our hands in praise and just had a great time. But they refused to do any of this, because the energy in the room was so lackadaisical.

When we broke away to dive into the Word, I noticed that the kids were still a bit bored; they were yawning, putting their heads on the table, and purposefully not paying attention. They had gotten into a routine of being bored with Wednesdays, so they didn't expect anything exciting to happen. My co-leader and I spoke for 10 minutes without any feedback, and when we went back to worship, the kids begrudgingly walked back into the auditorium.

Something needed to change. These kids needed to be on fire for God, not feel like it was something they were just required to attend because their parents dropped them off!

Well, it ended and when I was leaving, I felt like I needed to voice my opinion to the kids ministry director. I was a bit hesitant to say anything though; it was only my first night volunteering and I was already complaining. That couldn't bode well.

I told him my concerns and he told me that he was appreciative of my feedback, because none of the other leaders gave him feedback concerning Wednesdays; they simply showed up, did their jobs, and went home. To me, church isn't a job that you come, clock-in, put in your time, and peace out when you're done. It's something you invest your time into to make sure that everybody who comes to the church learns the truth of Christ, feels welcome for being there, and actually enjoys it. It shouldn't be laborious.

I didn't have a resolution on how we could remedy this, but I figured that I was good since I had at least told him where I think they needed some work.

On my way out of the parking lot, I felt this overwhelming need to go back into the building and speak with the children's ministry leader again. I didn't know exactly what I was going to say, but I felt like it was necessary that I go speak to him; God would provide me with whatever He wanted me to say.

What I didn't realize was that God was about to use me to volunteer to help the kids ministry in a way that would definitely take me out of my comfort zone. He wanted me to volunteer to help leading worship as a singer.

Wait, what? Me? Sing in public? What in the world are You talking about, God? You know I don't do that!

But... I was. I had volunteered. I had offered to help lead worship so that I could inspire the kids and get them excited to be there on Wednesdays. I already knew all the songs and all of the dance moves because of Sunday. But I had never done it on the stage, with a microphone so my voice would be broadcast throughout the room.

I was terrified.
I was excited.
I was nauseous.
I was insane.

I couldn't believe I had just volunteered for this. But at the same time, I was at peace about it, because I knew that it was God working through me. I had (and still have) major insecurities about my singing voice. I'm terrified about the day I actually have to lead - it hasn't happened yet. But I'm also looking forward to it.

As weird as it sounds, I'm so excited to get on that stage and lead those kids, because I know that God will be reaching those kids through me, even if I sound and look like a fool. I plan to get those kids dancing, singing and just plain excited for Wednesday nights. I'm going to make them desire to be at the church, instead of simply feel obligated to be there.

And, I can assure you, hearing those kids voices and seeing them praising their Savior, will be the best reward.

It will be music to my ears and delight to my eyes. And I truly cannot wait.