Music to My Ears

I must be crazy. If you've been following these blog posts, then you most likely read the one where I spoke about insecurities eating me up inside.

There's one in particular that I want to talk about today: singing.

Let's back up a minute.

I currently lead 4th grade boys on Sunday mornings at my church. For a while, I was questioning if this is where I was supposed to serve. When I mentioned that I didn't feel like I was reaching the boys, one of my friends stated the following: "People don't just miraculously become a Christian overnight. It takes years of preparation; someone has to fertilize the soil so that they can grow. You may not be the one who leads them to Christ, but you could be the one who plants the seed. And the year you have with them, you're watering them and helping them flourish, even if they haven't sprouted yet."

I had never thought about it quite like that, but he was right. Someone has to get them planted in the Word, and I was more than happy to be their gardener.

Since that conversation, I've slowly come to realize that kids ministry is where I'm supposed to be serving. It's a party every Sunday, and something I look forward to. As I have said in previous blog posts, I love those kids more than they will ever even know, and they are so dear to me. I truly want what's best for them, and to help them grow in their relationship with Christ, whether it's begun yet or not.

Well, now that I had established that I wanted to be in kids ministry, I figured I should also help out on Wednesday nights at the 5th/6th grade students ministry. I showed up for my first volunteer night 3 weeks ago, and was quickly disappointed.

The kids weren't nearly as excited to be there as they were on Sundays. And the main issue I noticed? The music was lacking. The worship leaders weren't excited to be there, and so the kids fed off that boredom and weren't excited either. Most of the kids attended on Sundays where we did dance moves, jumped, waved our hands in praise and just had a great time. But they refused to do any of this, because the energy in the room was so lackadaisical.

When we broke away to dive into the Word, I noticed that the kids were still a bit bored; they were yawning, putting their heads on the table, and purposefully not paying attention. They had gotten into a routine of being bored with Wednesdays, so they didn't expect anything exciting to happen. My co-leader and I spoke for 10 minutes without any feedback, and when we went back to worship, the kids begrudgingly walked back into the auditorium.

Something needed to change. These kids needed to be on fire for God, not feel like it was something they were just required to attend because their parents dropped them off!

Well, it ended and when I was leaving, I felt like I needed to voice my opinion to the kids ministry director. I was a bit hesitant to say anything though; it was only my first night volunteering and I was already complaining. That couldn't bode well.

I told him my concerns and he told me that he was appreciative of my feedback, because none of the other leaders gave him feedback concerning Wednesdays; they simply showed up, did their jobs, and went home. To me, church isn't a job that you come, clock-in, put in your time, and peace out when you're done. It's something you invest your time into to make sure that everybody who comes to the church learns the truth of Christ, feels welcome for being there, and actually enjoys it. It shouldn't be laborious.

I didn't have a resolution on how we could remedy this, but I figured that I was good since I had at least told him where I think they needed some work.

On my way out of the parking lot, I felt this overwhelming need to go back into the building and speak with the children's ministry leader again. I didn't know exactly what I was going to say, but I felt like it was necessary that I go speak to him; God would provide me with whatever He wanted me to say.

What I didn't realize was that God was about to use me to volunteer to help the kids ministry in a way that would definitely take me out of my comfort zone. He wanted me to volunteer to help leading worship as a singer.

Wait, what? Me? Sing in public? What in the world are You talking about, God? You know I don't do that!

But... I was. I had volunteered. I had offered to help lead worship so that I could inspire the kids and get them excited to be there on Wednesdays. I already knew all the songs and all of the dance moves because of Sunday. But I had never done it on the stage, with a microphone so my voice would be broadcast throughout the room.

I was terrified.
I was excited.
I was nauseous.
I was insane.

I couldn't believe I had just volunteered for this. But at the same time, I was at peace about it, because I knew that it was God working through me. I had (and still have) major insecurities about my singing voice. I'm terrified about the day I actually have to lead - it hasn't happened yet. But I'm also looking forward to it.

As weird as it sounds, I'm so excited to get on that stage and lead those kids, because I know that God will be reaching those kids through me, even if I sound and look like a fool. I plan to get those kids dancing, singing and just plain excited for Wednesday nights. I'm going to make them desire to be at the church, instead of simply feel obligated to be there.

And, I can assure you, hearing those kids voices and seeing them praising their Savior, will be the best reward.

It will be music to my ears and delight to my eyes. And I truly cannot wait.