If you've been following this blog, then you'll completely understand what I'm talking about.
But, I couldn't be happier for the change.
This time last year, I was a shy, introverted, non-talkative, un-involved, reserved person. I would have much rather stayed in my office or my room, not really talking to anybody, reading a book or doing my work. Though I wanted to volunteer at my church, I made excuses. Though I wanted to get to know people, I didn't like the idea of opening up.
Through everything, I have been challenged and majorly forced to step outside of my comfort zone.
Now, I can confidently say that I am an outgoing, slightly-less introverted, talkative, involved person. I enjoy being plugged in and talking to people. Because of everything I've gone through and having to defend myself against so many people, I have developed a much thicker skin, to the point where I'm much more outgoing because I no longer care what anybody but my God thinks of me.
I stepped out of my comfort zone into an area that was terribly frightening, and decided to lead kids worship. Could a shy introvert do that? Most likely no. I knew I couldn't have. But now, I feel like I'm finally evolving into the person God wanted me to be all along.
It took a long time, and He's not finished with me yet, but He's molding me into a new creation every day. Each day comes with its own difficulties and obstacles, but where I'd normally have backed down and allowed those circumstances to intimidate me, now I look at them like a mountain to climb. And I know I'm well equipped.
Thinking back on everything I've had to go through, I can't help but think of David and Goliath. In that story, David was a small boy facing off against a giant so tall, he struck fear into the hearts of all the Israel soldiers. But because David trusted in God, he won victory over that monstrosity.
My past year has been like Goliath, and for the longest time, I had fear in my heart about what was going to happen. Each day was like waking up and seeing Goliath in the distance. I didn't want to deal with it.
But, God was working within me, and eventually I had grown tired of being scared of what lay ahead. Because of this, I decided that enough was enough. Why was I scared of what was going to be when my God was mightier than anything living or dead?
I turned my fear into action; I trusted God and He has used me in ways I never would have imagined. Was I terrified during a lot of that time? Definitely. Did I grow and learn to enjoy myself through it? You bet I did.
Like I said, I'm no longer a shy, introverted, non-talkative, un-involved, reserved person. I am in the mix of things, getting to know more people, learning more about myself, and growing daily. I wouldn't say I'm the center of attention in a crowd of people, because I still don't like the spotlight on me, but I'm also no longer the person who stands on the edge of the room waiting for something to happen.
I'm now the one who mingles with those around me, not caring what they're going to think of me, and enjoying life. As a great friend of mine told me: "they're going to talk about you regardless of what you do, so you might as well enjoy yourself".
That being said, I don't do things that break my values, my virtues, or the commandments of my Lord. And I think that's the best way to enjoy life: in a way that doesn't harm yourself or others, or lead others away from Christ.
I can't help but smile when I think of where I was and where I am now. I love who I have become, and I can't wait to know where God is leading me.
I know He has great things in store for me, and I'm just honored that He's willing to allow me to be a part of His great story. And that He loved me enough to integrate Himself to mine.
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