Love the Sinner

I get asked often, "As a Christian, what is your stance on homosexuality?"

Let me start by saying, I believe what the Bible teaches, and the Bible teaches that homosexuality is a sin: "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination." - Leviticus 18:22, ESV.

That being said, it also teaches that lying is a sin. Stealing is a sin. Murder is a sin. Coveting something someone else has is a sin. Loving something or someone more than you love God is a sin (becomes an idol).

A sin is a sin is a sin. I'm a sinner for lying, just as much as the person who is homosexual is a sinner for going against God's Word and lying with a member of the same sex.

Now is where it gets tricky, though.

As a born-again Christian, I still sin. However, I do my best to not sin. I know lying is a sin, so I do my best not to lie. I know stealing is a sin, so I try to avoid doing it (see my previous blog post). But that's where the line is - I know it's wrong, so I do what I can to not do that. But when I do sin - which, let's be honest, is daily - I repent and ask God for forgiveness, because I know it's wrong and that it separates me from Him.

People who are homosexual, for the most part, believe that there's nothing wrong, so they don't bother trying to not do it. They don't repent and ask God for forgiveness, because they don't believe they need to be forgiven. Let me be clear: this is not a fair description of all people who identify as homosexual, I understand that, but from the ones I know, this is what they have told me. They feel like there's nothing wrong with being homosexual, so why should they repent?

That's where the difference is: as Christians, we realize that certain things are a sin and that we cannot have true fellowship with Christ with sin in our lives, so we repent and ask for forgiveness.

Does this mean that a homosexual person can't be a Christian? No. I firmly believe that anyone can be saved by Christ, no matter your ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, or gender. But, I also believe that in order to be a true follower, a person must love God, and to love God, we must follow His instructions, which include not having sexual relations with a member of the same gender.

"Love the LORD your God and keep His requirements, His decrees, His laws and His commands always." - Deuteronomy 11:1, NIV.

"In fact, this is love for God: to keep His commands. And His commands are not burdensome." - 1 John 5:3, NIV.

"And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments; this is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, so that you should walk in it." - 2 John 1:6, ESV.

"If you love me, obey my commandments." - John 14:15, NLT.

Now, does this mean that we as Christians should hate those who choose to live in sin? Absolutely not.

Some of my best friends are homosexuals. Do I agree with their life choices? No. Do I still love them? Absolutely.

It's sad to say that one of them was actually scared to come out to me, because he had been scorned by the church he grew up in. We had been best friends for 14 years at this point (we met in kindergarten), and it took him posting something on social media for me to begin questioning about him.

Honestly, I didn't want to believe this about him, because back then, I was very narrow-minded and thought all homosexuals were going to Hell, and I didn't want to believe my best friend would end up there.

When I finally got the nerve to ask him about that post on social media, he replied saying that he didn't tell me sooner because he was scared of how I'd react. When he confirmed my fears, I didn't know how to respond. He then went on to tell me that he chose not to tell me because he had been scorned and turned away by his own church; they were determined that someone with a sin that great could never be saved, and therefore they didn't want him there anymore.

Isn't that horrible? He had grown up in this church, and just because he sinned differently than them, he was no longer welcome.

That was a slap in the face to me. I realized that my own narrow-mindedness almost cost me one of my best friends.

I still didn't know how to react, though. So, instead of immediately responding, I prayed. I prayed for discernment and wisdom and to know what I believed, and not what everybody else was telling me to believe, about the situation.

In the end, I came to the realization that I believe that, as stated previously, a sin is a sin is a sin. Yes, he sins differently than I do, but that doesn't mean I'm any less of a sinner than him. All sin separates us from God, so who was I to condemn my best friend when I was just as separated because I lied? All I was supposed to do was pray for him, as I would for anybody else who struggles with something.

When I finally responded, I told him that this changed nothing between us. I still loved him. I told him that, though I don't understand nor do I agree with his life-choice, I also wouldn't judge him for it.

He's still one of my best friends. Is he still gay? Yes. But, it's not my place to judge him. It's my place to love him and show him the love of Christ.

I've also heard it said that you can 'pray away the gay'. I'm not entirely sure what I believe on this. Honestly, it sounds horrible. It almost sounds like people think they can just pray for someone and they'll magically be different. And, yes, if God wanted it to be like that, He could do that. But, it also makes the person sound like they don't have much faith in God and His ability to work inside someone.

If we want a magical antidote to a fix that only God can do, there's a major issue. He isn't a magician on stage doing tricks for entertainment.

I believe that God gave us free will, so it would be the person's choice to decide, despite their feelings or temptations, they were going to lean on God during their struggle. And once they turn to God for help, then He begins working inside of them. Yes, we can pray that God will turn their hearts to Him and they will realize they need His help, but we can't 'pray the gay away'. That's complete nonsense, if you ask me.

So, instead of harboring hatred in our hearts for someone who sins differently than us, or believing that anything we do could possibly change their hearts, we need to show them the love of Christ. We don't need to make them feel like outcasts, because that's not showing them Christ, and that will definitely not turn them to Him.

Christ loved and welcomed the ones that everyone else scorned and left  behind. If we are going to be Christ-like, we should do the same.

Let's love the sinner, but hate the sin. And I think we'll all be surprised just how much impact that will have.

Work in Progress

"If you have to do something in secret, you probably shouldn't be doing it at all." That's something my grandma used to say all the time. This didn't pertain to surprises or anything, but more so to things that we knew we shouldn't be doing to begin with.

This was a hard lesson for me. If you know anything about me, you know my love for music, books and movies. Without going into too many details because it would take way too long, I had begun downloading these media-types to fulfill my love for them. I was doing it secretly because I wasn't proud of it, but figured since nobody knew about it, I was okay.

Let me just say this: even when nobody else knows, God always knows. And He will convict you of whatever wrong you're doing. "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." - Hebrews 4:13.

It would be easy to pass the blame and say it's all my ex's fault, and true, she does hold some blame in it, but she's not the only one. I'm to blame for my decisions, too. Though she was my enabler, I was the one who decided to do these particular things.

But about 2 years ago, I had decided to completely stop with the movies. I deleted all the ones I had downloaded, destroyed all the ones I had burned, deleted the links to those websites and erased my history so I couldn't be tempted again. She couldn't understand, because she enjoyed the perks of my 'habit'. God had convicted me for it for a long time, but I chose to listen to her over listening to His voice. However, I had decided enough was enough.

I formed an Amazon wishlist with all the movies I wanted to own, and slowly I have accumulated a majority of them legally. I no longer even have the desire to download them.

About this time last year, I had also decided that I would no longer download books. I was scared of how this would impact us financially, because we both loved reading and I knew we couldn't afford to buy all the books we wanted. I told her that we would do a spending cap of $25 a month that we could spend on books, and the others we would get from the library.

Before long, I learned that since I wasn't downloading them anymore, she had begun to get her father to get them for her. I respected her father and Satan used that to tell me a lie that her father was a Christian, but he still downloaded books, so it's not that bad. I believed it for a short while, and began downloading them again.

Then I got a divorce, and moved back in with my parents. The day I moved in with my parents, I decided I would no longer download books. I had so many on my kindle that I hadn't even read yet, but I was constantly downloading more. How did that make any sense?

So, now, I had kicked two of those 'habits', but I was still pirating music. I LOVE music. I listen to it all the time: when I'm getting ready in the morning, on my way to work, when I'm at work, on my way home, at the gym, everywhere.

I had convinced myself that it couldn't be that bad. I mean, Youtube was free, after all, and I could listen to the music whenever I wanted to that way, so what's the difference in having it on my iPod instead of loading Youtube every time? Because it's illegal. And ungodly, that's what.

I struggled with this for a long time, and was scared to even mention it to anyone. I thought it was something I could handle on my own; I'm a strong, independent man, who can do things his way, on his own terms, in his own time.

That's funny. Because, if anything, these thoughts and my desire to listen to myself instead of God showed an incredible weakness within myself. I wasn't nearly as strong as I thought I was. If anything, I was just a coward. I mean, I was scared to even mention it to my girlfriend, because I knew that she wouldn't tolerate it, and I didn't want to risk losing her.

But, somehow, I knew I could tell her my struggles with this certain type of 'addiction'. And you know what? Instead of judging me, she prayed for me. Instead of telling me that she could do better (which, believe me, she could), she has stood by me through this, and is helping me get over these habits.

Thanks to the grace of my God, and the accountability that my loving girlfriend provides, I have stopped all of these habits. I have removed all the software and websites I used for these acts from my computer. Instead of downloading any of them illegally, I'm coming up with plans on how I can access them legally. I'm in the process of creating another Amazon wishlist with all the books I want. I've decided that I'll purchase one CD, one book and one movie each month to replace the ones I had gotten rid of because of what I had been doing illegally. If anything, this will also help me be more selective in my choices, instead of thinking that I have a right to all of these things and therefore, I didn't need to be picky.

And I couldn't be happier. I'm sleeping better now. Though I don't envy the idea of spending money, I do look forward to the idea of buying what I want, instead of just taking it. And I'm thankful that I was able to stop this habit and begin to make corrections before it took control of my life and led me down a path that I definitely didn't want to take.

Am I perfect? Definitely not. Do I still have the temptation to do these things? Oh, yes. But I also have God on my side. I have a beautiful, loving girlfriend who is praying for me through my struggle and helping me handle it in a God-honoring way.

I'm a work in progress, but I'm progressively making steps forward.

Secrets Don't Make Friends

There's a saying that I heard a lot in college: "Secrets don't make friends." And the rebuttal was almost always "Yeah, but friends make secrets."

I've come to realize that I absolutely hate secrets. I used to laugh and joke around with my friends with that saying - if I were whispering to someone and they commented that secrets don't make friends, I was more than willing to reply that friends make secrets. Or vice versa.

But I've learned that secrets, even the meaningless ones, can be harmful.

This realization mainly came about during my divorce. I learned that my ex had kept a ton of secrets from me. Some were meaningless at the time, but had eventually evolved into something crucial. Others were critical from the start, and simply developed into being detrimental.

From the point I learned all of those secrets to now, I have decided that secrets are one of the biggest hurts in this world. They are the cause of so many things that could be avoided.

Because of this realization, I have determined that I would be an open-book because I don't want to harm anyone. If someone has a question about me or something I'm doing, and they ask, I will happily answer their question in the most honest way I can.

Does this mean I go around telling everyone everything about me? No. But, it does mean that if someone asks me something, I'm not going to tell them a lie or that it's a secret (unless it's not my secret to share).

Since I've made this determination, I honestly feel more free. I don't feel like I'm hiding anything about myself. I feel more open. I feel more honest.

Now, if someone confides in me something, I don't spread that information. That is not what I'm getting at. If it's not my secret to tell, I am more than happy to keep it a secret. But if it's my personal information, and someone asks, I have no issue telling them, because it doesn't really matter in the long run. I'd rather get the truth out in the open, even if it's painful or awkward or embarrassing, than harbor something within me that could eventually turn into something debilitating.

I've gone through enough hurt because of secrets that I make it a point to let my friends know that I don't like them, so they know that they can ask me anything. My life is an open book, and I hope everyone knows that.

But I also try to make it a point to let them know that anything they confide to me is safe. I try my best not to talk about other people and their issues, and I feel like it's helped me grow some closer friendships because they know they can trust me.

All of this being said, I personally do not believe secrets are a good thing. They're just a form of hiding, and I'm so tired of hiding. I'm tired of being ashamed of something I've done, thought or felt. By deciding that my life was open to anyone who took the time to ask, I have made myself more conscious about my actions, thoughts or feelings.

By being conscious of my actions, thoughts or feelings, I am more aware of what I'm doing, I make sure my thoughts are accurate, and I validate to myself that my feelings are true before I respond. It gives me accountability and teaches me to be more honest with everything in my life, so that I have no reason to be ashamed of anything.

Now, when I do something, I try to think if God would approve. If I don't think He would, I do my best to alter my actions to something that He would. The Bible says to capture everything thought (2 Corinthians 10:5) and make sure it's pure and holy, because whatever we think eventually will come out. So I do my best to do this as well.

And lastly, when it comes to feelings, I always make sure I am 100% sure of them because they are the most easily swayed part of me. If I tell someone I love them, I have analyzed my feelings to make sure they are true because I don't want to hurt that person. That is just one example, but I feel like it's the best I can give. It shows the person that no matter what, I know exactly where I stand when it comes to my relationships.

As I've said many times, I don't like secrets. They are harmful, debilitating and detrimental to people's lives. I see no true value in harboring secrets. I've learned that if someone is harboring a minor secret, chances are good they're harboring a larger one as well. And I don't want to be considered someone like that, nor do I want to be associated with people like that, because it's very possible they're also hiding something from me.

So, let's open ourselves up to potential fear, embarrassment, and awkwardness and get things out in the open.

Because, I can assure you, you'll finally feel free.

That Was Then, This Is Now

I have changed a lot since this time last year. Many things have happened, and not all of them were good. But, everything that has happened has affected me in positive ways, even if I didn't realize it at the time.

If you've been following this blog, then you'll completely understand what I'm talking about.

But, I couldn't be happier for the change.

This time last year, I was a shy, introverted, non-talkative, un-involved, reserved person. I would have much rather stayed in my office or my room, not really talking to anybody, reading a book or doing my work. Though I wanted to volunteer at my church, I made excuses. Though I wanted to get to know people, I didn't like the idea of opening up.

Through everything, I have been challenged and majorly forced to step outside of my comfort zone.

Now, I can confidently say that I am an outgoing, slightly-less introverted, talkative, involved person. I enjoy being plugged in and talking to people. Because of everything I've gone through and having to defend myself against so many people, I have developed a much thicker skin, to the point where I'm much more outgoing because I no longer care what anybody but my God thinks of me.

I stepped out of my comfort zone into an area that was terribly frightening, and decided to lead kids worship. Could a shy introvert do that? Most likely no. I knew I couldn't have. But now, I feel like I'm finally evolving into the person God wanted me to be all along.

It took a long time, and He's not finished with me yet, but He's molding me into a new creation every day. Each day comes with its own difficulties and obstacles, but where I'd normally have backed down and allowed those circumstances to intimidate me, now I look at them like a mountain to climb. And I know I'm well equipped.

Thinking back on everything I've had to go through, I can't help but think of David and Goliath. In that story, David was a small boy facing off against a giant so tall, he struck fear into the hearts of all the Israel soldiers. But because David trusted in God, he won victory over that monstrosity.

My past year has been like Goliath, and for the longest time, I had fear in my heart about what was going to happen. Each day was like waking up and seeing Goliath in the distance. I didn't want to deal with it.

But, God was working within me, and eventually I had grown tired of being scared of what lay ahead. Because of this, I decided that enough was enough. Why was I scared of what was going to be when my God was mightier than anything living or dead?

I turned my fear into action; I trusted God and He has used me in ways I never would have imagined. Was I terrified during a lot of that time? Definitely. Did I grow and learn to enjoy myself through it? You bet I did.

Like I said, I'm no longer a shy, introverted, non-talkative, un-involved, reserved person. I am in the mix of things, getting to know more people, learning more about myself, and growing daily. I wouldn't say I'm the center of attention in a crowd of people, because I still don't like the spotlight on me, but I'm also no longer the person who stands on the edge of the room waiting for something to happen.

I'm now the one who mingles with those around me, not caring what they're going to think of me, and enjoying life. As a great friend of mine told me: "they're going to talk about you regardless of what you do, so you might as well enjoy yourself".

That being said, I don't do things that break my values, my virtues, or the commandments of my Lord. And I think that's the best way to enjoy life: in a way that doesn't harm yourself or others, or lead others away from Christ.

I can't help but smile when I think of where I was and where I am now. I love who I have become, and I can't wait to know where God is leading me.

I know He has great things in store for me, and I'm just honored that He's willing to allow me to be a part of His great story. And that He loved me enough to integrate Himself to mine.