Perfectly Imperfect

Something I've struggled with is the idea of having to be perfect. For the longest time, I was more concerned with how people perceived me, instead of whether or not their perception of me was accurate or even remotely close to how I should've been perceived.

And I could partially blame it on social media or celebrities or whatever. People see things they like or admire, and so it's easy to envy those things, thinking you don't measure up.

This happened with me. I wanted people to envy me, in a sense. I wanted to have the nicest hair, the coolest clothes, the fastest car, the perfect speech, the healthiest skin, the cleanest house, the calmest demeanor. I was more focused on how people saw my outward appearance, that I wasn't really focused on maintaining my inner appearance.

I would spend money on nice clothes or dermatology appointments to get clearer skin. I'd google the hottest hair style trends for guys, and go get mine cut to resemble it. If I flubbed over words when talking to someone, I felt like an embarrassing failure. If people came over and my house wasn't spotless, I thought they were judging my imperfection.

I wanted to be the epitome of perfection.

This desire is good to a sense; as Christians, we are to strive to be like Christ, who was perfect in every way. But, I wasn't focused on being like Christ in my perfection. I was concerned with being perfect in everyone else's eyes, hiding away anything I deemed 'imperfect'. I didn't want to show those imperfections for fear of being judged as less than perfect.

I was more focused on myself than letting Christ shine through me. And by Him shining through me, I could've had perfection, but in a different sense.

Thankfully, I've realized my mistake and have worked hard to correct it. Now, don't get me wrong - I still like to have nice clothes and clear skin, but I don't stress over them anymore. In fact, I barely go shopping anymore. I like for my hair and beard to look a certain way, but I try not to obsess over it. I like to have good speech, but when I flub over words, I laugh and just roll with it.

Finally, I have accepted that I'm human. And, as any other human, I am not perfect. I have imperfections, but they do not define who I am.

Instead, I've come to realize, through everything, that what truly defines who I am is what's on the inside.

"But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires." - Romans 13:14.

Do I still struggle with this at times? Definitely. Am I working on correcting this? Always. As I've said multiple times already, I'm not perfect. I'm going to stumble and fall. I'm going to make mistakes. I'm not going to be perfect, because that's an impossibility for me alone.

But Christ lived a perfect life, and has given me the credit for it. He's given you the credit for it. We can never be perfect, so Christ stepped in and took our place, then let us shine as if we had achieved perfection, when really it was all Him.

I've realized that in order to be outwardly clean and pure and perfect, I need to be inwardly clean and pure and perfect. This isn't an easy task, as I'll never be completely perfect inwardly either. And though appearing perfectly clean on the outside is much easier than being perfectly clean on the inside, it doesn't change the fact that the inward appearance is more important.

"You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." - Matthew 23:26-28.

Through modeling my inward life after Christ, my outward life becomes clean and pure and perfect. By allowing Christ to shine through me, dust out the cobwebs of my soul, and let light in, it shines outward, erasing any imperfections from me. It's not because of anything I did, but because of who Christ is and what He has done for me.

My perceptions of what makes someone 'perfect' have been altered, making me realize that I'm definitely not perfect. I'm just human. And I don't have to strive to be anything but. Christ has done that for me, and I just have to trust in Him. I just have to let Him work in me, dig out the imperfections and help me correct them.

Every day, it's a new battle as He sifts through my life and pulls out nuggets of imperfection, and does what is necessary to remove them so I'm more like Him. Will He ever be done removing imperfections from me? Not until I join Him in glory.

But until that day comes, I'm happy allowing Him to dig into my life and weed out the bad stuff, leaving me as a perfectly imperfect human who desperately needs a Savior.