My parents, siblings, coworkers, girlfriend, church group... pretty much everyone knows that I don't like disorder. I like things to have a place, and for them to actually be in their place. Some people classify this as OCD. My mom tells me I have CDO --- OCD, but in alphabetical order, the way it should be.
Growing up, I was always bothered if our DVD's (or VHS') were not in alphabetical order. To me, it made logical sense: if they're in alphabetical order, you can find what you want easier, as well as know if you own something or not.
Later, I moved a little beyond this and even separated movies based on genre. Not too extreme or anything, but I kept animated movies separated from regular movies. That way, if I was looking for a particular kids movie, I didn't have to look through all of my dad's weird sci-fi movies first.
Then I continued and put movie series in a separate place away from stand-alone movies. That way I could tell exactly what movie we were missing in the series, or keep better track of which movie I needed to watch next.
It wasn't really that bad. Just a little organization, which never hurt anybody.
Well, knowing this, my sister, my closest confidante, one of my best friends growing up - my sister really liked to mess with me. When she would get upset with me (or sometimes just to mess with me), she would mess with the movies. She'd flip them around, put them out of order, stack them on top of each other instead of in neat rows, make it where you couldn't read the title, etc.
This. Drove. Me. Nuts.
I would spend hours sitting in the center of swaying towers of movie cases, trying my best to reorganize them all. Eventually, I'd get them all back to where they needed to be - but then she'd do it again.
Other than organizing, I always found cleaning to be comforting. When everything else seemed to go wrong, cleaning was a way for me to find some control. I don't like messy counters; I don't like dirty bathrooms; I don't like couches where there isn't enough seating because of clothes, toys, or what-have-you. It drives me crazy.
It got to the point where if I got bored, I'd clean something. And usually, if I cleaned one thing, I wouldn't stop until everything I saw was spotless.
This has transitioned into my adult-life. Though I live with my parents currently, I try to keep everything that's in my control clean. My room is almost always spotless (though it could use a good dusting every now and again), and my bathroom is as pristine as you can get it with a cat that likes to remove her food from her bowl and put it on the floor before she eats it.
It's even come into play in my work life. As the Director of Programming, I have to file away hundreds of television contracts. As the Digital Sales Coordinator, I have to manage 11 sales people and their contracts, campaigns, creative, and more. And... you guessed it, it's all in alphabetical order.
I feel best when my email (both work and personal) are completely empty, because it means I have nothing left to finish. They're just as spotless as anything else. Everything on my desk has its place, and I do my best to keep it all in its designated spot.
The point of all of this introduction was to point to the fact that I've come to realize that sometimes you have to have some chaos in your life. I like order. I like organization. I like the look of cleanliness. It makes me feel like I have my life together. When I get a ton of work, my mind gets befuddled and confused until I can organize it and begin crossing things off my to-do list.
But, sometimes that chaos is exactly what the doctor ordered. Sometimes we can get stuck in a rut of doing the same mundane thing day after day, wondering if it's ever going to change. How can we hope for things to change if we never embrace the fact that chaos will happen? By keeping things in nice, tidy rows, there's no path for deviation. Things will never change that way.
Yes, I love things to be in their place, but I also love adventure and spontaneity, and I have learned that the two don't go hand-in-hand. You can't be adventurous and spontaneous and expect to plan every detail of the trip. Things will come up that you're not expecting, and you have to learn to adapt.
If you don't, you'll become buried under a mountain of indecision, where you feel your life is completely out of sync. But it's not.
There is a time and place for organization and order - such as at work - but there's also a time for spontaneous adventure. Sometimes you have to grab life by the horns and hold on tight as everything you've planned seems to be completely derailed.
Trust me, I've been there.
I've been in a place where everything I had planned was suddenly yanked away and I had to learn how to adapt. If I hadn't, I don't know if I'd be here to write this post. But, though it was a wild ride, I'm so thankful for it. It helped me grow and learn more about myself. I'm more bold now. I'm more spontaneous. I like to think I'm more fun, too. I still have CDO tendancies, but I'm learning to let go of others.
And I believe that's the way it should be.
♡
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