Walk on Water

It's funny how, when you're struggling with something, God steps in and tells you not to concern yourself with it.

If you've been following this blog, you know that I don't like being in front of people. I don't like having the spotlight on me. But you also know that I have volunteered to help lead the kids worship on Wednesday nights.

Excited? A bit.
Crazy? Definitely.
Nervous? Beyond belief.

Well, I found out when volunteering at the 8am service on Sunday that I will begin leading kids worship on January 20, 2016. And I was scared silly.

I tried not to think about how I was feeling - like I was going to throw up. I was tempted to tell the Kids Ministry Director that I couldn't do it anymore. Thoughts were swirling around in my mind, making me doubt if I could even do this, making me nauseous to the point I almost left church, and I had come to the conclusion that clearly, this couldn't be what God wanted for me. He wouldn't make me so insecure in this area, then ask me to step up and be a leader.

Right?

As it turned out, I couldn't leave church, because I still had to lead my 4th graders, and my co-leader was out with a sick child. So, as much as I wanted to run away, I forced myself to stay at church. So I prayed. Real hard.

I prayed for guidance, for wisdom, for peace, for quietness of my mind, for confirmation that this was what He wanted for me, for strength to go through with it if it was, for my heart to stop pounding in my chest, for a steady calm.

But most importantly, I prayed for courage to do whatever He asked of me.

I got through the teaching of my 4th graders, and decided to go on to church. I knew we were currently going through a series called KNOW FEAR, and figured that it would help, because I was severely struggling with my fear of getting up in front of a group of 75 5th and 6th graders and singing.

And, did I learn something. Oh, did I....

In one sermon, God quieted all of my concerns.

The pastor speaking decided to speak on the fear of the unknown, and how we have to be willing to listen to God, despite our fears. Way to hit me in the face, God.

He spoke about Peter seeing Jesus walking on the water and saying "Lord, if it's really You, tell me to step out of this boat and come to you". And Jesus' response was "All right, come." So, Peter stepped out of the safety and security of his boat, trusting Jesus, and he walked on water. He did the impossible.

He then made the point that sometimes God calls us to do things that absolutely terrify us, but that He wouldn't call us to it if He didn't already have a plan. I couldn't help but think of myself and my current situation.

Then he said, "If we allow it, fear can paralyze us." And I knew God was talking to me through the pastor. I was immobilized. I was paralyzed with fear, to the point that I was willing to run away instead of listening to what I knew God was telling me to do.

There were more points the pastor made, but by the end of it, I felt like I had my answer. God was calling me to lead kids worship, and I could either answer His call, step out of my boat and risk walking on water, or I could grab the paddles and row away. As tempting as the latter is - I still contemplate doing this - I know that God is calling me to so much more.

What kind of faith do I have in my God if at the first sign of risk, I run away? Do I not have faith in Him enough to know that He called me to this, and He will help me through it? I want to live a life pleasing to God, where I can show people that no matter what you're called to do, God is with you and will help you through it all.

I've decided to be like Peter. Despite my fear, I am stepping out of my boat, and plan to do the impossible.

I'm going to walk on water.