Stage Fright

For those of you who don't know, and it may be hard to believe, I wanted to be an actor when I was growing up. I loved being on stage, with the lights shining upon my face, putting on a good show. Well, for the past 6 or so years, I couldn't even fathom getting up in front of people. I had so many insecurities because of past issues with college and friendships that I practically shunned the stage.

I had lost a big part of myself. But I didn't even realize it until this past Wednesday.

If you're following this blog, you know that I volunteered to lead kids worship at Mission 56. A better way to describe this is not actually as a 'leader' of kids worship - I was just one of the singers, following behind the actual leader - but as a 'hype-man', as the band called me. I had volunteered to get the kids dancing, singing and praising our Savior.

Well, that was a crazy thought considering I hadn't been on a stage in over 6 years, and the idea terrified me.

But I decided I wanted to try it again, with new-found confidence that I have found thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, my loving parents, and my faithful God.

I know I've written that I was paralyzed at the thought of getting up in front of all those kids, but come Tuesday night as I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, my mind was racing. And I realized, I wasn't terrified. I was excited. I felt like a kid who couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve because he knew that Santa would be bringing him awesome presents during the night. I was anxious and excited for Wednesday night to go ahead and arrive, because I couldn't wait to get back on that stage.

I kept mentally thinking about what songs we were going to do, the hand motions for each, what I would say to the kids, how I'd get them pumped up, would I pass the mic around, would I stay on stage or mingle in the crowd? I wasn't thinking about my insecurity - I was thinking about the wonder of being on stage, 'leading' kids in worship.

Come Wednesday evening at rehearsal, I was bouncing around just waiting for the service to actually start. My nerves felt strung-out, but it wasn't because I was nervous. It was because I was so excited.

As the kids entered the auditorium, a few of them saw that I was holding a mic in my hand, and asked if I was going to be the guest speaker. Then one chimed in and said "You can't sing! Why are you on stage?"

One of my worst fears had come to light - my insecurity that my singing voice wasn't up to par had been noticed, and I hadn't even begun singing yet! But instead of allowing that negative comment to get me down and make me nervous, I turned it into a joke, asking if that kid thought I really cared what a bunch of 5th grade boys thought of me.

Truthfully? At that moment, I didn't. I was ready to praise my Savior, and if these kids didn't like it, they could get over it, because I wasn't going anywhere.

Well, my comment helped level the playing field, and got the kids laughing, even the one who had chimed in with negativity. They were suddenly talking over one another, asking me questions, making me feel extremely comfortable, where I was just a moment ago uncomfortable.

Then it came time to actually start, and before I knew it, I was speaking to them. I told them that I was tired of seeing their lackluster attempts at worship, barely clapping, never singing, not moving, and just staring lazily at the band. That's not true worship, and the point of coming to Mission 56 (and church, in general) is to worship our God - whether that's by song, sermon or service.

I then told them that I was going to get them moving, dancing, singing. WORSHIPING. And you know something? They were thrilled! They were so excited that they were able to dance and move. They had gotten so used to just standing and slowly clapping that they had forgotten what true worship feels like.

The band started playing and I weaved in and out of the crowd, singing my heart out. And it was beautiful to hear their voices lifting up worship to their Savior. I got them dancing, doing motions to the songs, waving their hands in the air, clapping feverishly. I let a good many of them actually sing into the mic, as they sung their hearts out. It got to the point where whenever I passed by, the kids would form a line in front of me so I couldn't pass, just so I could see them dancing and singing.

We lifted our hearts and souls to God, giving Him all the praise only He deserves, and it made my heart swell.

When the service was over, a good many kids came up and thanked me for allowing them to get moving. The one who had made the negative comment came up to me and said that he hoped we could do that every week, and that I had a "tremendous singing voice". If that's not confirmation that I was doing what God wanted me to, I don't know what is.

Going back to the beginning of this blog post, I grew up on the stage, but I had lost that part of myself.

But I had decided to follow God's direction for my life, task a risk, walk on water, and do the impossible. And I have received the greatest reward for that, for trusting God to guide me through something that I thought was crazy and terrifying.

Don't miss out on opportunities that God is calling you to, because He's already paved the way. He's just waiting for you to take that step.

So, let's start worshiping.