Lion-Hearted

Annual reviews are never fun. But sometimes you can learn something from them that you can use outside of work.

I had my annual review on Wednesday, and didn't really think much of it - it was mainly compliments on my work ethic, my ability to grasp new concepts, and my speed and efficiency. The only critique I received was that I needed to be more assertive, instead of being so passive.

Like I said, I didn't really think much about it. I decided I'd take that advice and begin working on being more assertive at work, as requested, but I didn't consider how I could use it outside of work.

Well, as I was driving to work today, I was thinking about what I wanted to write about, and I kept coming up blank. But then I remembered my annual review and how they had told me I needed to be more assertive, and I realized that this didn't just have to pertain to work.

It could also pertain to my walk with Christ. It could pertain to how effective I was at reaching people for Christ, to how devoted I was to learning more about Him, to what I did with my time and whether or not what I did helped further His kingdom.

I realized while driving that I needed to be more assertive in Godly ways, instead of just humanly ways. I needed to be more assertive to get people to know Christ. I needed to be more assertive in getting to know Christ myself. This could include prayer, worship, teaching, or simply talking to someone about my Saviour.

I was being a timid sheep, carefully keeping to myself and the few people I interacted with, instead of being a lion and charging forward with a mighty roar.

I've heard it asked that if you truly loved someone, why wouldn't you want to tell them the truth about your Savior so that they could have eternal life and happiness with Jesus? And I had never really thought about that either, because I thought I was doing a fair-enough job.

But you know something?

Fair-enough isn't good enough. Good enough isn't great enough. Great enough isn't even considered 'enough'.

I was willing to live in a 'fair-enough' way, and by doing so, I was being passive.

I'm sick and tired of being a passive Christian, of being a sheep. I'm ready to be assertive; I'm ready to be a lion. I want to talk about my faith to anybody who is willing to listen; I have decided to attempt to wake up earlier so I can spend time in the Word and praying; I have determined that I will spend more time preparing for my kids on Wednesday and Sunday.

And these are just the minor things.

I have also determined that sometime soon, whether this year or next, I want to go on an international mission trip where I can love on people, share the Gospel with as many as possible, and bless them while I'm there.

As Christians, we are called to love our neighbors - this includes those in poverty-stricken environments, and I want to do what I am called to do. I want to love these people, and the best way I know to love them is to share the truth about Christ.

So let's stop being passive. Let's be assertive.

Instead of being timid sheep, let's roar like lions.

Stage Fright

For those of you who don't know, and it may be hard to believe, I wanted to be an actor when I was growing up. I loved being on stage, with the lights shining upon my face, putting on a good show. Well, for the past 6 or so years, I couldn't even fathom getting up in front of people. I had so many insecurities because of past issues with college and friendships that I practically shunned the stage.

I had lost a big part of myself. But I didn't even realize it until this past Wednesday.

If you're following this blog, you know that I volunteered to lead kids worship at Mission 56. A better way to describe this is not actually as a 'leader' of kids worship - I was just one of the singers, following behind the actual leader - but as a 'hype-man', as the band called me. I had volunteered to get the kids dancing, singing and praising our Savior.

Well, that was a crazy thought considering I hadn't been on a stage in over 6 years, and the idea terrified me.

But I decided I wanted to try it again, with new-found confidence that I have found thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, my loving parents, and my faithful God.

I know I've written that I was paralyzed at the thought of getting up in front of all those kids, but come Tuesday night as I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, my mind was racing. And I realized, I wasn't terrified. I was excited. I felt like a kid who couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve because he knew that Santa would be bringing him awesome presents during the night. I was anxious and excited for Wednesday night to go ahead and arrive, because I couldn't wait to get back on that stage.

I kept mentally thinking about what songs we were going to do, the hand motions for each, what I would say to the kids, how I'd get them pumped up, would I pass the mic around, would I stay on stage or mingle in the crowd? I wasn't thinking about my insecurity - I was thinking about the wonder of being on stage, 'leading' kids in worship.

Come Wednesday evening at rehearsal, I was bouncing around just waiting for the service to actually start. My nerves felt strung-out, but it wasn't because I was nervous. It was because I was so excited.

As the kids entered the auditorium, a few of them saw that I was holding a mic in my hand, and asked if I was going to be the guest speaker. Then one chimed in and said "You can't sing! Why are you on stage?"

One of my worst fears had come to light - my insecurity that my singing voice wasn't up to par had been noticed, and I hadn't even begun singing yet! But instead of allowing that negative comment to get me down and make me nervous, I turned it into a joke, asking if that kid thought I really cared what a bunch of 5th grade boys thought of me.

Truthfully? At that moment, I didn't. I was ready to praise my Savior, and if these kids didn't like it, they could get over it, because I wasn't going anywhere.

Well, my comment helped level the playing field, and got the kids laughing, even the one who had chimed in with negativity. They were suddenly talking over one another, asking me questions, making me feel extremely comfortable, where I was just a moment ago uncomfortable.

Then it came time to actually start, and before I knew it, I was speaking to them. I told them that I was tired of seeing their lackluster attempts at worship, barely clapping, never singing, not moving, and just staring lazily at the band. That's not true worship, and the point of coming to Mission 56 (and church, in general) is to worship our God - whether that's by song, sermon or service.

I then told them that I was going to get them moving, dancing, singing. WORSHIPING. And you know something? They were thrilled! They were so excited that they were able to dance and move. They had gotten so used to just standing and slowly clapping that they had forgotten what true worship feels like.

The band started playing and I weaved in and out of the crowd, singing my heart out. And it was beautiful to hear their voices lifting up worship to their Savior. I got them dancing, doing motions to the songs, waving their hands in the air, clapping feverishly. I let a good many of them actually sing into the mic, as they sung their hearts out. It got to the point where whenever I passed by, the kids would form a line in front of me so I couldn't pass, just so I could see them dancing and singing.

We lifted our hearts and souls to God, giving Him all the praise only He deserves, and it made my heart swell.

When the service was over, a good many kids came up and thanked me for allowing them to get moving. The one who had made the negative comment came up to me and said that he hoped we could do that every week, and that I had a "tremendous singing voice". If that's not confirmation that I was doing what God wanted me to, I don't know what is.

Going back to the beginning of this blog post, I grew up on the stage, but I had lost that part of myself.

But I had decided to follow God's direction for my life, task a risk, walk on water, and do the impossible. And I have received the greatest reward for that, for trusting God to guide me through something that I thought was crazy and terrifying.

Don't miss out on opportunities that God is calling you to, because He's already paved the way. He's just waiting for you to take that step.

So, let's start worshiping.

Camp Lessons

This past weekend, I had the privilege of being a camp counselor for 66 5th and 6th graders. I say 'privilege', because I was so blessed during my time there. I was able to teach these kids about God, spend time getting to know them, and help them through some difficulties that inevitably came up. And in return, they blessed me.

I volunteered to be a camp counselor, despite the fact that I'd only been part of Mission 56 for a short while, and I didn't even really know any of the kids. However, something told me that I was supposed to go.

Once we got there, it seemed like everything was going wrong. The kids were rowdy and wanted to stay up as late as possible, despite there being a curfew, so the adults got hardly any sleep that first night. Then the next morning, I decided to try a game (GaGa Ball, for those interested) which I had never played before. Before long, I was injured - I had stepped on the ball, twisted my leg and landed on my knee, which felt like it had popped out of joint. I couldn't stand, much less walk. But now, I was supposed to lead the kids back to the dining hall, get breakfast, then go climb rock-walls, ride zip-lines and play human foosball.

Did I mention I could barely walk?

But, I sucked it up and did what I was supposed to do. I had volunteered for this trip, and I was determined to make the most out of it. I'd never zip-lined before, so I definitely wanted to do that. I'd never actually completed a rock-wall, so I was determined to ring the bell at the top. I had never played human foosball before, so I was adamant that I would at least try.

Eventually, I couldn't even feel the pain in my knee anymore, simply because I had ignored it so long. Or maybe I had worked out the tight muscles. Either way, it was only a dull throb now, instead of the excruciating pain that it was that morning.

During this weekend, I was able to try things I had never done before, meet kids I had never known, form friendships with people I had never met, and teach children about my Saviour. If I had complained about my knee and used it as an excuse to sit out of the activities, I would've missed out on so much more.

By the end of the trip, I had one kid who was glued to my side: wherever I went, so did he. It was so obvious to the other counselors that this kid had attached himself to me that they allowed him to sit up front with me in the 'chaperone only' area of the bus on the way home.

When we got home, he was so excited to introduce me to his mother, who informed me that he had been extremely nervous about going on this trip at all. She said she was so glad that he had found someone who could encourage him and show him that there was nothing to be anxious about. I didn't even know he was nervous about the trip - to me, he had seemed to be having a blast. But his mom assured me that it was because I was there with him constantly.

How crazy is that? Without even realizing it, I had influenced a 5th grader and helped him through something that I didn't even know he was dealing with! And to think, I would've missed this opportunity if I had simply sat  in my room, complaining about knee pain.

This really opened my eyes. I had to reflect on whether or not I wanted to think only about myself and my discomfort, or if I wanted to ignore anything I'm dealing with in order to help others. And after hearing his mom's thankfulness, I have resolved that no matter what comes my way, I will never let my circumstances hinder me from doing what I have signed up to do. I will fulfill my obligations, no matter the cost.

I hope this has been inspiring, and that it helps you open your eyes to those around you. Sometimes, it seems like the only option is to complain. But, if we decide to focus on others instead of ourselves, there's no telling who we might influence.

For me, it was a 10 year old boy who was nervous about being so far away from home for the first time.

Walk on Water

It's funny how, when you're struggling with something, God steps in and tells you not to concern yourself with it.

If you've been following this blog, you know that I don't like being in front of people. I don't like having the spotlight on me. But you also know that I have volunteered to help lead the kids worship on Wednesday nights.

Excited? A bit.
Crazy? Definitely.
Nervous? Beyond belief.

Well, I found out when volunteering at the 8am service on Sunday that I will begin leading kids worship on January 20, 2016. And I was scared silly.

I tried not to think about how I was feeling - like I was going to throw up. I was tempted to tell the Kids Ministry Director that I couldn't do it anymore. Thoughts were swirling around in my mind, making me doubt if I could even do this, making me nauseous to the point I almost left church, and I had come to the conclusion that clearly, this couldn't be what God wanted for me. He wouldn't make me so insecure in this area, then ask me to step up and be a leader.

Right?

As it turned out, I couldn't leave church, because I still had to lead my 4th graders, and my co-leader was out with a sick child. So, as much as I wanted to run away, I forced myself to stay at church. So I prayed. Real hard.

I prayed for guidance, for wisdom, for peace, for quietness of my mind, for confirmation that this was what He wanted for me, for strength to go through with it if it was, for my heart to stop pounding in my chest, for a steady calm.

But most importantly, I prayed for courage to do whatever He asked of me.

I got through the teaching of my 4th graders, and decided to go on to church. I knew we were currently going through a series called KNOW FEAR, and figured that it would help, because I was severely struggling with my fear of getting up in front of a group of 75 5th and 6th graders and singing.

And, did I learn something. Oh, did I....

In one sermon, God quieted all of my concerns.

The pastor speaking decided to speak on the fear of the unknown, and how we have to be willing to listen to God, despite our fears. Way to hit me in the face, God.

He spoke about Peter seeing Jesus walking on the water and saying "Lord, if it's really You, tell me to step out of this boat and come to you". And Jesus' response was "All right, come." So, Peter stepped out of the safety and security of his boat, trusting Jesus, and he walked on water. He did the impossible.

He then made the point that sometimes God calls us to do things that absolutely terrify us, but that He wouldn't call us to it if He didn't already have a plan. I couldn't help but think of myself and my current situation.

Then he said, "If we allow it, fear can paralyze us." And I knew God was talking to me through the pastor. I was immobilized. I was paralyzed with fear, to the point that I was willing to run away instead of listening to what I knew God was telling me to do.

There were more points the pastor made, but by the end of it, I felt like I had my answer. God was calling me to lead kids worship, and I could either answer His call, step out of my boat and risk walking on water, or I could grab the paddles and row away. As tempting as the latter is - I still contemplate doing this - I know that God is calling me to so much more.

What kind of faith do I have in my God if at the first sign of risk, I run away? Do I not have faith in Him enough to know that He called me to this, and He will help me through it? I want to live a life pleasing to God, where I can show people that no matter what you're called to do, God is with you and will help you through it all.

I've decided to be like Peter. Despite my fear, I am stepping out of my boat, and plan to do the impossible.

I'm going to walk on water.